Dog Owners Should Be Licensed

It's New Year's Day today.

We were round at my Mother-in-law's last night for The Bells, and I had a drink or two, as is customary at Hogmanay. Being a responsible soul, and because I enjoy the right to drive and don't want to have it removed, we left the car and made our way home by an alternative method (i.e. my teetotal sister-in-law). All well and good, but today that meant that we had to find our way back to my Mother-In-Law's to retrieve the car.

Almondell Country Park, today

Now we live in Livingston (Scotland, not that place outside New York), and my MIL is in East Calder. It's a rather pleasant walk of about 5 miles or so along the River Almond to get to her's, ideal for blowing off the cobwebs on New Year's Day.

But the walk was blighted by dogs. Now let me be absolutely honest here: I'm not a dog lover. When I was around 3 years old, I was bitten by one, and I have had a fear of them ever since. That was 41 years ago, and I still can't shake the fear, no matter how much I tell myself that they won't hurt me. I don't like the little (and not so little) bastards, and I cannot reasonably see why anyone in their right mind would want to share their house with one. Still some people do, I guess, and as it's their house, it's their prerogative.

He's Just Being Friendly

But that does not mean that when I am out walking, I want to have dogs running up to me. Even if I wasn't scared of them, I still wouldn't want it.

"He's just being friendly," the owners shout jovially. I don't care - I don't want to be friends with your mutt. Keep it under control, and let me enjoy my walk in peace. I'm not a sheep, and I didn't come out of my house with the expectation that some dog suffering under that misapprehension was going to try to round me up. But perhaps I should expect it, because it seems to happen whenever I go out walking.

I don't want your dog to do this to me.
What makes you think that I do?.

It's not the dog's fault. They aren't the cleverest of animals, and it's just doing what dogs do. It's the owners. They love their dog, and expect everybody else to love it too. Have these self-centred idiots never heard of leashes? Or is a leash too good for their dog, who enjoys a run-around much more than their owner does? Does it not occur to them at all that their dog is being a nuisance, and a pest?

Perhaps worse than that is when a dog runs up and stands up on it's hind legs leaning against me. I have no idea what the dog expects me to do in this situation. It probably does not expect me to shout at the owner that if they do not remove their lovable pooch immediately, then their lovable pooch will get a kicking. I should point out that this usually does the trick, and I have never had to kick a dog yet. To be honest, it's not the dog that deserves the kicking, it's the owner. Yet again, the dog is just doing what dogs do.

"He's just being friendly," the owner will say, with completely unjustified indignation. Well, that's nice - so you won't mind a friendly kick in the face, in the same way as I don't mind your friendly dog jumping up on me, and covering my nice clean coat with muddy paw marks.

Don't Worry - He Won't Hurt You

Don't let your manky mutt stand in front of me and do this.
It will get kicked.

What's worse again is the dog that just stands right in front of me, barking. It's never a friendly bark - there's always a vicious undertone that says "Take one step closer, and I will have your testicles for lunch". Even the owners can't justify this as "just being friendly," although some will try, as they run up and grab the dog's collar, and grin with a slightly embarrassed air.

"Don't worry - he won't hurt you," is the usual phrase when their dog does this. Well, he's got a funny way of showing it is all I can say. I don't see it as my responsibility, as a non-dog owner, to recognise whether this is friendly bark, or a warning bark, or an I'm-going-to-eat-your-children bark. I just don't want the sod to bark at me.

Last but not least is the the dog that goes one step too far, and jumps up, snarling and biting. This is what happened today on our nice relaxing blowing-off-the-cobweb's walk along the banks of the Almond. A young rottweiller launched itself repeatedly at us as we were walking along, trying to take chunks out of my arm. Fortunately, I was wearing a thick winter coat, and it didn't do any damage. The owner shouted at the dog, and tried to grab the animal's collar, but it kept dodging out of his reach, and going for us again. I shouted at the dog to get away, but that just seemed to make it more excitable. The owner did eventually catch it, but if he knew his dog was going to be like that, it should not have been off the leash in the first place.

Now, I don't want to tar all dog owners with the same brush, because most of them are responsible. But there is an arrogance about certain owners - an assumption that their dog should be allowed to do whatever the hell it likes. Over in Dunfermline, there is a huge and beautiful park called The Glen. There used to be loads of peacocks in The Glen, but all but one have been killed by dogs that are off the leash. This is despite the signs at the park gates saying that all dogs must be kept on leashes. Why do owners assume that their dog should be an exception to that rule? Is it arrogance, or is it idiocy? It doesn't matter how friendly Fido is: a dog, on seeing a creature like a peacock, will awaken some ancient instinct in what passes for it's brain, and revert to wolf.

It's Only A Bit Of Shit

A dog. Doing what dogs do.

And I'm not even going to start on the owners who furtively look around to see if anyone is looking before "forgetting" to pick up and dispose of the steaming turd their friendly tyke has left lying at the side of the path.  Or in one case, slap bang in the middle of my front garden.

"It's only a bit of shit," said the owner, when I stormed out of my house and confronted her about it. When I pointed out it was a bit of shit that was in the middle of my lawn, she just turned and walked away, as if I was the one being unreasonable. I should have picked up said piece of shit and hurled it at the back of her perfectly coiffured head, the arrogant cow.

Dog Owners Should Be Licensed

In short, dogs can't help being dogs. It's not their fault they were born that way, and I hold no grudge against them for it. But I hold the owners entirely responsible for their dog's behaviour. 

The current law is that in order to own a dog, the owner should hold a license. Fair enough - that is there to make sure that the owner looks after the dog's welfare, feeds it as and when required, treats it nicely and so on and so forth. It does not mean that they automatically know how to take responsibility for a dog.

There should be training. Dog owners should be required to attend dog owner classes before they are allowed to hold a license, and thus own a dog. They should be made recognise when their dog is being a nuisance, and to not allow their dog to get itself into that situation. They should be made to recognise that rules about keeping dogs on leashes are there for very good reasons, not to just to stop Rover from getting a bit of exercise in a wide open space. They should be required to pass tests in the responsibilities of dog owners - both for the welfare of the dog, and the social responsibilities of keeping a dog. And it should be paid for out of their own pockets, rather than at the expense of the tax-payer. 

They should be made to register doggy DNA on a national doggy DNA register, so that any dog faeces found lying on a path can be linked back to the dog it came from. Or dog saliva on a coat, come to that. And who is going to pay for all this? It should be paid for out of the pockets of any dog owner found breaking the law. They should pay to register the DNA, and fined massively to cover the costs if they are found to be breaking the law. It's not about Big Brother - it's about social responsibility. It's about not letting dog owners get away with the assumption that "my dog wouldn't do that," because deep down, given the right situation, they know that their dog would.

A dog without proper training is just a wolf with ideas above it's station, in much the same way that a car driven by someone without adequate training might as well be a murder weapon. It's about time we recognised that.